How to drive someone crazy from 1100 miles away

03 March 2007

The value of silence

I learned.

I figured out that I have been inviting noisy forces into my life.
I have the entire house to myself tonight, and I was struck by the silence. There is no TV from another room, no Walter babbling charmingly in her high chair, no roomies walking around in a state of screaming silence because they can no longer stand each other but are riding out the lease. No music, no Yoshi typetypetyping away in the office, no dishwasher/washing machine/dryer, no ringing phones, no cooking sounds, nothing to disturb the peace around me. And I remembered that
i like this.

And that this is a metaphor. I value my peace, and I was meandering my lazy way into turmoil and tumult on the path I was taking. I go out every night I work (at least three nights a week) and have a few drinks (my limit is two, to keep me comfortable with driving myself home). I am hanging out with new friends from work, and getting myself into trouble with old friends, as well. I haven't completed a project in weeks; haven't gone to my knitting night; haven't spent any time really talking to Yoshi. And I convinced myself that this is how life should be. Life should have a huge pile of background noise. Life should be dramatic.
And I just remembered, I hate that.
I prefer life to be meditative, peaceful and calm. It should be smooth, and above all, silent. Because when my life is silent, so is my head. So. What habits does Lisa need to change to re-incorporate the deeply valued silence I remembered?

I am going to try to go out only once or twice a week with the work friends. Sometimes, one of the girls needs a pal to talk to, and that is important to me, to be that friend, but if it's just to have a good time and "take the edge off", then I intend to bow out. It need not get excessive.

I am going to try to be good to Yoshi. We want to be together, and I have not been doing what it takes to make the two of us happy together, so more coming home, more talks about the ridiculousness of life, more Yoshi.

I am going to try to finish a knitting project. Of course, there is the fact that I am currently knitting on a deadline right now, so I guess that's the first project to try to finish. Something for Cyn's baby (she knows there's a hand knit in her future, just not what it is, so no peeking!).

I am going to try to cook more. There's no pleasure like a finished project in less than three hours that you get to enjoy by stuffing it in your face. I remember enjoying cooking; I just never feel motivated to do it. Well. I think that is reason enough to start making jams, jellies and pastas.

I am going to write a story down. I always said I wanted to; what's stopping me?

I am goingt ot do my damnedest to get back to knitting night. No explanations needed.

Silence helps me tap my creativity. Silence encourages me to read more, learn more, write more, sit down and figure it out more. And I like that. Noise just makes me want to turn on the TV and try to drown out the other noise in my life (yes, another metaphor, but I'm not holding your hand through this one).
Less stress. More silence. And I know, kids aren't quiet, and I expressed a want for those recently, but I have at least two years before procreation interrupts my peace and I might as well enjoy it.

2 Comments:

Blogger Dee said...

I love when I can get silent times. Enjoy yours ... you've earned them.

As for your comment on my blog. I will weigh my yarncake after supper.

And, no, no allergies. Thanks for the compliment. We have totally enjoyed these last three days of meals at home!

6:47 PM

 
Blogger KnitterBunny said...

Swan,

Such sadness I have missed. Somewhere along the way, I've lost track of a few blogs and I'm going to start paying attention again here and now. My thoughts are with you.

2:12 PM

 

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