Yeah, yeah.

I haven't been here in a while.

And I haven't really missed it. I feel like this has been a sounding board for me to complain about my life and then re-read the post I just wrote, then realize I don't want to be so negative so I delete a lot of posts. And it seems like a lot of negative lately.

This was supposed to be fun, you know. But it seems like a burden to me lately. Get out the camera, pose the yarn, take a bunch of pictures and reject a pile of them, then try to get Blogger to post them (kind of hit or miss in the past, but I haven't bothered to update to Blogger Beta or wahtever we have now). Come up with stupid captions that don't sound like I think I suck, because I don't really think I suck. I just sound like I do most days.

Maybe I am going through some mess; maybe I'm not. I don't have a lot of perspective as of late. I am knitting, when I can focus on it and enjoy it, but at least one project can't be photographed until it goes to it's intended recipient, and the rest just looks like a piece of, well... something. There's a big green rectangle of handspun from Rhinebeck, the toe of a red sock (I did teach myself a provisional crochet cast on and short row toes!) and something in a mild khaki color I can't talk about in public.

I am having fun, too. Friday, I and three of my absolute favorite girls from work went for a mini road trip to go thrift shopping and had a blast. We shopped. We told stupid stories (mine was about the true meaning of Valentine's Day and St. Valentine's high-maintenance girlfriend). We stole mayonaisse (no, really, we did). We had a great time. I bought vintage needlecraft books (I think the Roman numerals say 1975, but I may be wrong). I realized I know a lot of random facts, and do a lot of really random things (like make jam while listening to Pantera). We are going to all clean out our closets and have a swapping party, we had so much fun.

But my mind wanders all day, every day. To heavy things. To things I don't want to think about. To things I shouldn't have done and ways I shouldn't have done them. Everyone has a past (some people's pasts are only two weeks old, does anyone else realize this!?) and I won't regret mine, but I will revisit it and ponder. I will remember. Sometimes memories are all you have left, you know? And sometimes they are all you need. I am thankful for the times they are all I want.

I wonder if this is one of those times.

I realize that anyone who doesn't know me will find all this rather vague, but that's intentional. Or at least dismissable to me. I haven't posted here, and I am not apologizing for it. I haven't even made it to my knitting circle for the past two weeks, and I am not apologizing there because they are nice people who realize sometimes Lisa's a busy girl, so you can all come to that realization, as well. I know you understand. You're cool like that.

I'll be here when I can.