When I screw up...

When I screw up, I do not half ass the job, let me tell you.

I have royally messed up my life several times, and picked up all the pieces to put them back together again, only to tear them down about two years later. It's like a little ritual I have with myself. Oddly enough, the chaos is almost comforting in its cyclical form.

So, what did I do this time?

Well, I had to declare bankruptcy after one hell of a sorry assed divorce. I just couldn't handle all the debt on my own; consolidation was no help, and I had to do it. In the middle of all the legalities, it turns out my car was worth too much, and I would have to pay a trustee a certain amount in order to keep it. And I love this car; it is a 98 Prelude, in a very stylish silver, and it was bought for me brand new by a wonderful person I may talk about someday. I am the only owner this car ever had, and she was my baby. Love. Love for the car. So, I was going to pay to keep her. The trustee was nice enough to allow me to set up some monthly payments to keep my car, while he held the title to be returned when I paid it off. So, the car promptly died.

She stalls out in low idle. It could be any number of problems, and with my luck, it is the most expensive problem there could possibly be, what ever that may be. So, can I afford to put a pile of cash into an eight year old car that is only going to depreciate further? Not really, no. So I am thinking that if the law allows, and the trustee is willing, I may have to let my baby go. It is simply not practical to keep her, when I could be investing my money into something a bit newer and a bit more reliable. I already had to drop a new radiator into her this year, rebuild the header, new water pump, all kinds of stuff. She burst a main hose in her cooling system and overheated in the middle of a construction zone, so I couldn't just stop, and I killed many things under her hood that day, about three months ago. And now this. This mess.

No, I don't feel that the car betrayed me. She is still just a car. But she has been a part of me for a good long time, and I am loathe to see her go. Many wonderful things happened in that car. I am so dreading the loss of her. So, tomorrow I hear from the mechanics and get my estimate. If she costs too much to fix, I have to see if I can let her be collected. I hate being a grown up and having to deal with all these stupid hard things. I will be sure to take pictures of her before she goes, and not to cry too loudly when I see her leave. Here's hoping that it doesn't come to that.

Love from the Sad, Immobile Dragon